Menagerie
by Mercedes no Inuarai
Summary: My response to the "write the boys as any animals other than cats" fanfic challenge.


Menagerie  
A Gundam Wing fanfic by Jen "Mercedes" De Salme

Pairings: None 

Warnings: G-boys as animimals, animal stereotyping, OOC, slight picking on Relena

Rating: G

Disclaimer: The G-boys, Noin, Milliardo, and Relena aren't mine. They belong to their creator and license-holders. I'm just mutating them for the hell of it.

Notes: My response to the "Write-the-boys-as-any-animal-other-than-cats" fanfic challenge. =^.^= Up until recently, I had no idea who issued it, but it turns out that, ironically enough, it was Lev (my wonderful beta reader and archiver of my fics). Oh, and just to clear up any confusion:

1.) We can understand both the humans and the animals, but they can't understand each other.

2.) The animals refer to Noin as "Her" or "She", whereas any other female would have normal lowercase pronouns. They never refer to the humans by their names.

"human speech" ::animal speech::   
***********************

****

Duo was awakened by the growl of a car rolling over the gravel driveway. Rolling to his feet, he put his front paws on the window sill next to him. A white truck was coming to a halt next the house, its human passengers visible through the tinted windows.

::She's home!::

He raced into the kitchen, claws skittering on the linoleum as he tried to stop himself from crashing into the door. He slammed into it anyway, but immediately bounced to his feet and began barking excitedly.

::She's home! Heero, Quatre, everybody, She's home She's home She's home!:: His tail nothing more then a chocolate colored blur behind him, the labrador mix fidgeted, nails clacking staccato on the floor.

::We heard you the first time:: Heero entered the room at a more leisurely pace and sat on his haunches next to the kitchen table. Only the occasional twitch of his pointed ears kept him from resembling a stuffed German Shepard instead of a living animal.

A soft flutter announced Quatre's arrival. The cockatiel landed on the perch next to the door and looked down at the excited mutt. ::Calm down, Duo. She won't be happy if you leave claw marks on the door, again.::

Duo's ears went back and he snorted, managing to look affronted despite his wildly moving tail. ::Hey, do you see these paws touching the door? Besides, I--::

The click of a deadbolt unlocking interrupted Duo's defense. All three pets turned their complete attention to the opening door.

***

Lucretia Noin's hand was on the doorknob when she stopped and looked back at her guests. "Now, Relena, you're sure you don't have any allergies or anything I should know about?"

"No, Ms. Noin, I'll be fine." The golden-haired girl smiled.

"All right." Noin started to push the door open, when a whine from inside made her pause again the look back at the younger Peacecraft sibling. "One last warning... Duo is very... excitable."

Milliardo chuckled from where he stood behind Relena. "That's putting it gently, Noin."

Noin gave the blond man a mock-stern look. "Hush, you'll give him ideas." 

She swung the door the rest of the way open and was immediately assaulted by a the dark brown mass of muscle and fur that was Duo. The lab was happily prancing circles around Her, the power of his wagging tail seemingly threatening to throw him off balance completely.

::Hihihihihihi! We missed you! Where've you been, huh huh huh?:: Duo barked and tried to put his paws on Her shoulders.

She laughed and shoved the dog away from her. "Yes, Duo, I'm happy to see you, too. No, Duo, down!" She pushed him away again and crouched down to his level only to be on the receiving end of a very wet tongue. "Ack! That's enough, we have guests."

While that was going on, Heero had also walked to the door, albeit with less obvious excitement. His tail swished a couple of times when he spotted Her, but it stopped when his ever vigilant nose caught the scent of the visitors. Heero stepped out of the house and took a cautious few steps towards Milliardo. 

::I know you. She said you could be here.:: Heero sniffed once at Milliardo's outstretched hand. 

"Hello to you, too, Heero." Milliardo looked down at his sister who was staring wide-eyed at the German Shepard. "Relena, this is Heero. He's a little shy around strangers, so you're going to have to--"

"He's beautiful!" In no time flat, Relena was down on her knees her arms wrapped around the dog's neck. Heero's ears turned and flattened against his skull as he tried to pull out of the girl's strangle hold.

"--take it slow." Milliardo finished his sentence with a resigned tone. Heero looked up at him with eyes pleading. Milliardo shrugged helplessly as Relena released Heero's neck only to start ruffling his ears and cooing to him. The dog turned his gaze back to Relena.

::Get your paws off of me, or I'll bite them off for you.:: Heero growled low in his throat.

"Aw, he's purring!"* Relena giggled as Heero's growl deepened.

Luckily for her hands, an overzealous bundle of energy pushed himself between Heero and his cooing assailant. ::Hey, someone new! Hi, I'm Duo, glad to meetcha!:: 

Relena pushed the barking dog and his wet nose away from her and stood up. She had the good grace not to make any disgusted noises, but she did wipe her cheek with her sleeve and give the energetic mutt a slight glare.

Duo ignored her reaction and bumped his head into Heero's. ::You owe me, buddy.:: Before the more reticient dog could reply, Duo had bounded over to Milliardo to bestow his customary greetings upon the man.

Heero sighed and quickly retreated into the house before the clingy female could remember he was still there. 

Noin chuckled and put a hand on Relena's shoulder. "Can't say I didn't warn you. Come on, let's go inside so you can meet the rest of the family." She grinned and patted the shorter girl's shoulder before leading her into the house, leaving Milliardo wrestling with Duo on the porch.

***

Later, after Milliardo had managed to escape Duo, the three humans sat comfortably in the living room. Relena had Quatre on her shoulder; the amiable cockatiel and she had gotten along almost immediately. Duo was lying on the braided rug a few feet away, gnawing on the biscut Noin had used as bait to get him off of Milliardo. Heero sat on the rug next Relena, though not voluntarily, as the girl once again had her hand in a death grip in his fur.

"Milliardo told me you had five pets, Ms. Noin." Relena stroked the feathers on Quatre's breast with her free hand as she spoke. "Where are the other two?"

Noin and Milliardo glanced at each other and grimaced slightly. "Well, we weren't sure whether you'd want to see them or not." Noin stated somewhat unsurely. "They aren't as... friendly as Quatre and Duo."

Relena dismissed the comments with a wave of her hand. "I love all animals. They can't possibly be that bad, otherwise why would you keep them as pets?"

Noin glanced over at the older Peacecraft again. "You get Wufei, I'll get Trowa?"

Milliardo nodded; the two stood and left the room for a moment. When they returned, Millardo carried a cloth-covered travel cage and Noin had her hands closed gently around something.

Duo looked up from his bone when the two entered and sniffed the air. His tail started wagging again and he stood up.

::Hi, guys! You get to come out and play now?:: He sniffed at the travel cage.

::Quiet, canine! Your whining offends my ears.:: The angry squeaking from the cage was surprisingly loud. Milliardo placed the cage on the couch between Relena and Noin before returning to the recliner to sit down.

"Oh, you have a mouse, Ms. Noin?"

"Not exactly." Noin smiled slightly as Relena removed the cloth covering from the cage. Inside stood a sleek-furred black rat. The rodent turned towards the stunned Relena and stood up on his hind legs, whiskers twitching as he sniffed the air.

::Feh, another female. Put me back in my cage, there's no purpose to this meeting.:: 

"A - a rat?" She stared at Wufei for a moment longer before turning her slightly horrified expression on Noin. "Why in the world do keep a RAT as a pet? They're filthy and mean!" She released her grip on Heero and wrung her hands together.

Noin frowned. "They actually make very good pets, Relena. They're usually cleaner and friendlier than mice."

"Even if Wufei is a foul-tempered little--"

"Milliardo..." Noin's voice took on a warning tone as she glared at her long-time friend. 

Milliardo arched an eyebrow and smirked. "You know I'm right, though." He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

Wufei was still sniffing the air, although he had returned to standing on all fours. ::Smell her fear at the sight of me. Pathetic, weak female. She won't make a good mate for anyone.::

Duo got up close and snuffled the cage. ::Aw, come on, Wufei, don't be such a party pooper.::

"Duo, get away from the cage, you'll scare Wufei." Her hands still occupied with whatever she was holding, Noin pushed Duo away with her foot. It got him away from the cage, but instead he bounced to Her other side and sniffed at Her hands, whining.

"No, you can't play with Trowa." She pushed him away again. "Go lie down, Duo."

::Eh, you're no fun...:: With a final whuff, Duo turned away from Her and trotted out of the room. Heero also got to his feet and followed, figuring it was safer out there with a bored Duo than it was in here with the strange female. If she reacted that badly to Wufei, he didn't want to be there when she met Trowa.

Relena subtly edged away from Wufei's cage, stopping when she bumped into the arm of the couch. She bit her lip and made an effort to ignore the rodent, moving her gaze to Noin's cupped hands.

Quatre fidgeted nervously on her shoulder when she began to move, spreading his wings slightly to keep himself balanced. When she stopped, he resettled himself and started preening her hair with his beak.

::He can't hurt you. He just brags a lot.:: He cooed softly and shifted his position on her shoulder. He ignored the rather unflattering squeaking coming from the cage below.

Milliardo sent a questioning glance in his sister's direction. "Maybe we shouldn't show her Trowa, Noin. I had no idea Wufei would frighten her this much."

"I'm not frightened! I just don't like rats, that's all!" Relena's expression immediately became apologetic when she realized how that sounded. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, Ms. Noin - EEK! A snake!"

Noin blinked in surprise and looked down at her hands. Trowa had found a space between the thumb and palm of her right hand and was now sliding out between them; heading for Noin's lap.

"Where do you thing you're going, hmm?" She carefully gripped his upper body and neck, releasing the rest of his body. He automatically curled the rest of his one and a half foot long body around her wrist, scales hissing slightly against her sleeve.

"Ms. Noin, it's--it's--" Relena squirmed in her seat. This time the movement was too much for the already unbalanced bird on her shoulder. Quatre spread his wings and flapped them a couple of times, the extra lift helping him hop the short distance between the pale girl's shoulder and the back of the couch.

"It's Trowa. Relena, he's harmless; he doesn't even have teeth." Noin allowed a little of her exasperation with the girl show on her face.

The small serpent watched Relena impassively for a moment. He tasted the air and took in his surroundings just as calmly.

::Jumpy, isn't she?:: His question was barely that, his tone only mildly curious.

Quatre preened the feathers of one wing. ::She doesn't make a very good perch, that's for sure. I suppose I can understand her concern. If I didn't know you, I'd be unsettled, too.::

::Of course.:: Trowa's body language was hinted with the quiet self-confidence that only a snake can portray.

Duo chose that moment to return, bounding into the room, knotted tug-rope dangling from his mouth. 

::I'm bored and Heero won't play!:: He bumped the knot against Her leg. When She pushed him away, he moved over to the new girl.

::You'll play, right? Come on, grab the rope!:: Duo whined and dropped the rope in her lap.

Relena looked down at the rope, than over at Wufei squeaking in his cage and Trowa in Noin's hand. She bit her lip and glanced over at Milliardo.

"I think I want to go home, now, if that's all right." She sighed and pushed the slightly damp toy of her lap. "I have a lot of homework to do."

"Of course, we shouldn't have kept you here so long..." Noin carefully switched Trowa to her other hand and stood. Milliardo and Relena also got to their feet, the latter rather quickly exiting the room leaving the others to follow. Duo picked up his toy and pranced after them, making every effort to get someone to take the other end of the rope.

Quatre watched them leave, listening to their voices once they were out of sight around the corner. The sound of the truck starting and rumbling out of the driveway soon faded as well. He shook himself, puffing all his feathers for a moment, including raising the golden crest on his head. Wufei paced in his carry cage.

::Finally, they left.:: The rat's whiskers twitched irritably. ::I do not like that male that She lets into our home so often and that other female reeked of his scent.:: 

::You shouldn't be so rude, Wufei.:: Quatre began smoothing down his feathers. ::You'd make more friends if you were nicer.::

::I need no human friends. They've hated my kind for as long as we've existed, and the feeling's mutual.:: With that, Wufei fell silent, turning his back towards the white bird.

Quatre sighed and hopped down to the arm of the couch. He turned his head to the door when a hesitant snort caught his attention. Heero peeked his head around the entryway, ears twitching as he listened.

::Are they gone?::

::Yes. You're safe now.:: Quatre chirped a short laugh at the canine's nervousness. ::I think they took Duo with them, too.::

::Hmph. Good.:: Heero walked into the room and circled the spot on the rug Duo had previously occupied before settling down with a soft whumph. He laid his head down on his forepaws.

Quatre chirped again. ::Don't worry, Heero. With the way she acted around Wufei and Trowa, I don't think she'll be coming back anytime soon.::

His only response was Heero's tail thumping a couple of times against the floor before going still. Without Duo or Her home, the house was silent, except for the sound of Wufei moving around in his cage.

**********

* I got this little bit from my own dog. She DOES purr; it sounds like something between a growl and heavy breathing. =^.^= Of course, we're also convinced she's part cat, so it's really not that strange.

Reasons behind who-is-what (in order of introduction):

Duo: Chocolate Labrador mix. When I first saw this challenge, I knew Duo had to be a Lab. Playful, eternally cheerful, loyal, tolerant, protective when needed, and likes garbage. ^.~ Chaos in a fur coat. He's definitely no purebred, though.

Heero: German Shepard. Heero's dedication is what slated him as a dog and his personality is suited towards one of the more (typical) "guard dog" type breeds. Dobbies and Rotties are just too sharp and clean-cut to be Heero, so he got to keep his scruffy look with a Shepard.

Quatre: Cockateil. I had a big problem coming up with a critter for Quatre. I didn't want another dog, but no matter how I slated him otherwise, he ended up as prey for whatever animal Trowa was. O.o Finally, I gave up and made him a bird. I know very little about them, but I'm sure you'll agree, a cockatiel is better than a canary.

Wufei: Rat. Now, before you go yelling at me for making him this ill-reputed rodent, let me state here that I didn't do it out of dislike for Wufei. In fact, I happen to like domestic rats. Like Noin stated, they're typically cleaner and more intelligent than mice in the same situation and they're more friendly, too. Not that Wufei is really all that friendly to begin with, but you get the idea.

Trowa: Snake. I wanted to make him a cat. Trowa is sooo a cat person. However, this is a no-cat challenge... So, he turned into a snake. I hated to make him quite THAT emotionless, but this was my second choice. Just to take care of the Quatre-and-Wufei-equal-lunch-for-Trowa problem, he's a small snake, most likely a red racer or something. ^_^


End file.
